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Ang Ladlad launches national membership renewal campaign
Date Posted: Monday, July 21, 2008

Welcome
Date Posted: Thursday, July 10, 2008

PEOPLE LIKE US COMES OUT EMPOWERED
Date Posted: Monday, June 16, 2008

PEOPLE LIKE US MEETS AYALA CORP
Date Posted: Monday, June 16, 2008

Summary of my meeting today
with Ayala Property Management Corporation
3:00 PM – 4:00 PM
2 June 2008

Greenbelt 3 [Administration Office]
The official minutes of this meeting will be emailed to me within this week. These are just some of the details of the said meeting:

1. Mr Dennis Galimba, Operations Engineer of Ayala Property Management Corporation, presided over the meeting. There were five of us there (all administrators of Greenbelt Complex).

2. Mr Galimba reiterated for the nth time that they do not tolerate discrimination in their premises, that they don't ban "transvestites" in their premises.

3. Before the meeting went further, I suggested that instead of using "transvestite" they use "transgender". Mr Galimba complied.

4. The policy about surveillance of suspected sex workers was clarified to me.
4.a. It is not just being done to transgender people.
4.b. What they are doing is more of profiling, which they are doing not just to sex workers but to those that they suspect are doing illegal stuff in
their malls.
4.c. They admitted that immediately equating being a transgender to being a sex worker is wrong.

5. They asked for my suggestions on how they can improve their policies. My suggestions were:
5.a. In the case of prostitution, I advised them that the law prescribes that both the sex worker and the client should be apprehended.
5.b. They shouldn't ban entries to a class of people just because someone like them has committed an illegal act or has been unruly in their premises. They advised me that "generalizing" people is indeed wrong. They intimated to me certain cases in which they did ask people to leave their premises specially those have been very unruly.
5.c. As for dress codes: it should be applied to everybody. If they are against "vulgarity", they should specify what is vulgar. Dress codes for women should apply to ALL those who would like to present themselves as feminine and dress codes for men should apply to ALL those who like to present themselves as masculine.
5.d. I stressed that nondiscrimination is one of the hallmarks of cosmopolitanism. I advised them that since Ayala Corporation is projecting a cosmopolitan image, the presence of a nondiscrimination policy would actually help them in this agenda.
5.e. Since they are the frontliners of these bars, bouncers of these bars should be trained and sensitized.
5.f. Everything should be made in writing.

6. I clarified whether Ayala has any control over the policies of the bars in their premises.
Engr Tiglau advised me that they do not have any control over the individual policies of merchants as they respect their independence but not to the point that their policies are against the principles of Ayala.

7. They told me that they do entertain complaints about the merchants in their premises and they encourage customers to file a formal complaint in the administration about any unpleasant experiences they had with their tenants and that they will act on them (e.g. just like my complaint). This just doesn't apply to Greenbelt Complex but in all Ayala Malls (I can just remember Glorietta and Serendra:
they were even nice enough to ask me whether I had any unpleasant experience in these malls).

8. They will be circulating memo among all their merchants about any policy that is going to come out of our meeting and consultation with the upper management of Ayala. I will be furnished with the copy of the said memo.

9. Mr Galimba also informed me that a copy of my open letter has already reached even the legal team of Ayala. And that they are "surprised" that this incident is indeed happening in their premises.

10. They said that I should expect the following before this week ends:
a.Circular to all establishments in Ayala Malls
b.Reply to my open letter from Ayala Malls
c.Minutes of this Meeting

11. They thanked me for being diplomatic about this issue. I thanked them for having a good business sense.

That's all for now.

Warmly,
Sass R.S.
--------------------------------------
Sass Rogando Sasot
M - +639276257010
E - srsasot@...
B - nonethelessfiction.blogspot.com
Sass is a founding member of STRAP and a member of Ang ladlad

PEOPLE LIKE US
Date Posted: Monday, June 16, 2008

An Open Letter of a Transgender Woman in the Philippines
[25 May 2008 / Sunday / 6.04 AM to 6.45 AM]

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Eleanor Roosevelt

My friends and I have been made to feel inferior approximately five hours before I

wrote this letter. I'd like to sweep this incident under the proverbial rug but there is no more space to accommodate it.

On the 24th of May 2008, my friends and I were celebrating the anniversary of our organization the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP), the first transsexual women's support group and transgender rights advocacy organization in the Philippines. We settled to celebrate it in Ice Vodka Bar, located in Greenbelt 3, 3rd level Ayala Center, Makati City, Metro Manila. It was my first time in that bar. Two in our group have been there before and they had nothing bad to say about it.

There were five of us. I was leading the way. The bouncer stopped us. I asked why. His reason was we were dressed "inappropriately". We were rather dressed decently, tastefully, and most importantly just like any other human being who lives her life as female 24 hours a day.

I asked for the manager. The bouncer was nice enough to let me in. The manager,

Ms Belle Castro, accommodated me. I don't know if I spelled her name right. I asked for a business card but she had none available. Her telling feature though was her braced teeth.

I complained. Ms Castro listened to me. I found her sympathetic, even respectful as she addressed me all throughout as ma'am. She told me the following:

1. (Referring to my friends, and obviously to me) That "people like them" aren't allowed in our bar every Fridays & Saturdays;

2. That that was an agreement between all the bars in Greenbelt (she particularly mentioned their bar, Absinthe, and Café Havana) and Ayala Corporation, the company which owns the Greenbelt Complex;

3. That the reason for this policy is: "Marami kasing foreigner na nag-kocomplain at napepeke daw sila sa mga katulad nila." Loosely translated in English:

"There are lots of foreigners complaining because they mistake people like them as real women"; and

4. That they have a "choice" to implement the policy.

I felt terribly hurt and uncontrollably agitated. This transphobic act is not the first time that it happened to me, to my friends, to people like us. To say that this has become almost a routine is an understatement.

I have shouted at Ms Castro several times, asking her why I'm f***ing experiencing racism in my own country and what gave f***ing foreigners the right to demand to block people like us to enter bars in our very own country.

Ms Castro tried to hush me by pulling the "It's our choice card" and asked me to talk decently. I am not proud at all of using the F-word as my intensifier and of letting my emotions ran raw and wild. My warm apologies to Ms Castro for losing my cool. Just like any of us, I know, she was just doing her job.

This may not be the proper forum to raise this concern. But is there any reliable legal forum to address this issue? Reality check: there is no antidiscrimination law in this country. And if you're discriminated, there seems to be a notion that you're supposed to blame yourself for bringing such an unfortunate event to yourself.

So, I'd just stand up through this open letter.

I am standing for myself. I am standing for people like us. I am standing up because I, am, very, tired of this incivility. We have long endured this kind of treatment for far too long. Enough.

I'll not go as far as campaigning for a boycott as it is definitely the simple workers that would suffer from any loss in revenue such an act may cause.

People like us would like to be treated just like any other human being. Just like those foreigners who complained about our existence: With dignity.

You know the civilized and ethical thing to do: Stop discrimination in your establishments.

Bigotry is never ethical nor a sound business strategy.

Warmly
Ms Sass Rogando Sasot

Sass is one of the founding members of the Society of Transsexual Women of the Philippines (STRAP) [www.tsphilippines.com], an Associate Member of Transgender ASIA Research Centre, and a member of Ang Ladlad Party.

To have a dialogue with her regarding this incident, you may reach her at srsasot@gmail.com or through her mobile at +639276257010.

Fighting the Queer Fight
Date Posted: Monday, June 16, 2008

By Doni Santos as told to Danicar Mariano

When I began my trek towards loving a fellow man, I didn’t know I would come this far. I thought hooking up with another guy was just a phase, something I would tell my grandchildren when I was older. But it’s a decision that I have since then come to gain resolve in fighting for.

At first, I was like any normal guy. I was your typical run of the mill, boy next door. Some would even call me handsome, charming, definitely. With this gentlemanly, can’t-hurt-a-fly-air about me, I could smooth talk my way into getting a lot of girls. I was a player. I would even bring women home for sleepovers in our house and my parents wouldn’t mind. My dad was even proud of the fact that I was a chicker.

My girlfriend and I would walk past the street and friends would tell us what a sweet, good-looking couple we are. I would open doors for her. I would pull up a chair for her. This, however just masks the fact that I was a chauvinist pig who thought women were weak and needed to be taken care of.

Contrary to what most people believe about gay men, I enjoyed sex with women. The relationships I had with my girlfriends were real. But in the end, I choose to highlight and privilege my gay identity.

My girlfriends reactions were varied when they found out I was gay. Some got worried if they did this to me. Others were shocked. Others must’ve guessed in some way or another but just didn’t tell me. Others were happy that they could finally have someone to shop and boy-watch with.

My journey towards being a gay rights activist began with my journey towards self-revelation. It was simultaneously a psychological, emotional, social as well as spiritual journey. Oddly enough the beginning of this journey could be traced when I was in the Obando festival, praying my way into getting a new girlfriend. I remember, that at that time, “Lord, give me love” was my battle cry. I hadn’t had a girlfriend for 5 months and I decided to take drastic measures. I decided to dance for it. Obando was not just a festival where you can ask for a child, you see, it was also where women and men ask for prosperity, spouses and love.

True enough, the Lord in his infinite wisdom and sense of humor answered me, but not in the way that I had hoped. I met my guy classmate from highschool in the festival and we decided to exchange numbers and watch a movie together.

We continued going out on dates without me realizing they were dates. We talked on the phone everyday. It went on like this for quite a while until one day, he got drunk and confessed that he liked me, and asked whether I would like to go steady with him. I was aghast. “I was not raised to be like this. I couldn’t be gay!” I thought to myself. “My idea of a family is a mother, a father, a girl and a boy, a yaya, and a dog! This wasn’t in any of my plans.”
But having read up on gay issues before, specifically, Ladlad, the gay literature of Danton Remoto, I decided, I shouldn’t react in panic. The enlightened and mature reaction would be to not freak out. I decided to go on with our relationship as friends.

Sure enough, however, I found myself falling for him. But even though something was already happening between us, I still didn’t consider myself gay. The struggle and the denial was just so thick, it took me while before I could accept it. Still, accepting who I was is just the first of many battles.

Whereas before, my dad was proud to have me bring home a girl, my parents would cry whenever I brought home a boy. They would confront me and tell me “Bakit ka ganyan? Hindi normal yan!”

Unlike my heterosexual relationships, my boyfriend and I had to face our issues alone. We fought a lot because we only saw each other only once a month since he always had family affairs which he, of course, couldn’t take me to. We would meet people in malls and it would crush my heart to hear him introduce me as his cousin. My family and friends, on the other hand only saw him as my bestfriend. Whereas before, when I had a straight relationship, people would gush at how cute my girlfriend and I were, I had to contend with the invisibility and scorn of this new relationship.

The happy, glowing approval for my heterosexual relationships got replaced by glaring condescension. Unlike when I fooled around with women, my father no longer bragged about my loving relationship with another man

To cope with the mounting pressure, I began looking for a support group. I was so desperate for a community that I even mistakenly joined Lesbian Advocates Philippines. I would also hang around the UP campus with my female friends, hoping that UP Babaylan would see me and ask me to join them. Back then, it was the only gay group I knew.
Having read up on books about gay literature as part of my report for school helped a lot in raising my consciousness, but of course, interacting with real people was another thing. I wanted to talk to others in order for me to understand what I was going through. I wanted to ask advice regarding the issues we were facing from people who had more experience.
I found that although there are a lot of gay e-groups and chatrooms you can go to out there, they were mainly hook up or dating spaces which wasn’t really my concern at that time. I wanted to have a community, a comfort zone where I could be free to talk about my relationship, to be able to ask advice from older and wiser gays regarding how they came out to their parents, how they dealt with the pressure of living in the closet, how they resolved issued when they fought with their boyfriends.

I started corresponding with gay groups and organizers. It was here that I had met my idol and hero, Danton Remoto, who I had been anxiously wanting to meet for so long. I would even go to his cubicle hoping get a view of him. Eventually, we started corresponding by email and I was delighted to discover that he was very warm, witty and down to earth. Apart from a fan, I became his friend.

This got me thinking, “kung kaya nila Danton [na ipaglaban], bakit tayo hindi?”

I decided start a gay org. in our campus to address the needs specific to our catholic university. I gave out flyers and put up posters all around school for anyone who would be interested. It was funny because some of the posters would even have anti-gay graffiti on them. Nonetheless, I got a positive response. About 70 faculty, alumni and students joined. It became an online discussion group but it still wasn’t the meet-up, organized gay group that I wanted.

The Party

In 2003 I attended my first pride event organized by the local gay group, The Library Foundation. It was a bowling tournament called Ms. Bowling Universe. I didn’t know anybody there. I must’ve looked like lost lamb, because I was the only young person amidst middle aged people. Nonetheless, I had a blast because it was not the grim and determined activist event I was expecting. In fact, it was more like a party. Some people were even wearing butterfly costumes.
In the same year, Danton Remoto went back to Manila and we had a small party in his house in Cubao. Danton said he was forming a political party for LGBT rights. I volunteered to join, promising to be of service wherever I can. Ang Ladlad (then known as Ang Lunduyan) was formed.

Pride

My first major task was preparing banners and paraphernalia for my first pride march under the banner of Ang Ladlad. We made pins and rainbow pompoms to signal celebration of diversity. Part of the parade even got televised in a religious channel with me in it, interspersed with commentaries of how gays and lesbians going to hell if they don’t repent their ways.

My sister texted me how my parents saw the pride footage. My parents just keep mum about the issue of homosexually with me around because they know I will reason out to them so my sister is the one who would to talk to my parents for me. My parents explain that they are just afraid that I would be ridiculed for being gay. My sister on the other hand, defends me by saying that no one dares to make fun of me because they know I am smart, and they know I deserve to be respected. Besides, she reasoned, “wouldn’t it be more shameful that everyone around him has accepted him for what he is except you guys?”

She added, “kaya nga siya sumasali si kuya sa mga gay orgs tulad ng Angladlad eh, para wala nang makakapagsabi na katawa-tawa yung mga bakla. So yun yung pinaglalaban nila.”

During the pride march, I was also with my boyfriend, Lance, who was not out at that time. He wore a big mask which was spelled gay, so he wouldn’t be recognized. But then, when he took them off, the photographers there got to take pictures of him. Right then and there, he decided, “ah what the hell,” and came out of the closet. Since then, we have been working together in Angladlad to help combat discrimination against LGBTs (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders).

Our work for the community has helped us a lot to stay as tight as we are now and grow together as a gay couple. It’s very convenient to have your partner be involved in activism as well since you can go together to the pride events. It also gives me the freedom and support that I need, since I don’t feel that I have to lay low with my activism because he is not out.

Our work for Ang Ladlad bore fruit through the establishment of our award winning website. Lance and I also go to our radio hostings together.

My job as ad hoc vice president for Ang Ladlad involves recruiting members for the youth sector and letting them know that such a political party exists for them. I attend gender and human rights conferences in behalf of the group. I also network with friends, both gay and straight alike to help support the anti-discrimination campaign. I also recently signed up a famous gay celebrity to be a poster boy for Ang Ladlad. Aside from that, I also come up with ideas for fundraising as well as help moderate our e-groups.

Basically, I do anything and everything to help the party –from making the sandwiches for our meetings, to distributing flyers and leaflets in Malate, to posting on gay e-groups about the party so that people will know we are fighting for our rights.
Yep, it’s certainly a long way from the confused and rattled school boy phase I thought it was. And I see that it’s still a long way to go. Good thing there’s no stopping me now.
Doni Santos is part of Angladlad, a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender political party.

Coming Out Letter on Mother’s Day
Date Posted: Monday, June 16, 2008

By Danicar Mariano

My mom must have been shocked. Dad’s were supposed to have this dilemma. She must have been scared she won’t be the only woman in her daughter’s life. But, as I explain to my friends, my lesbianism is not caused by any failure on her part. In fact, she has taught me to appreciate women all the more –admiring them for their patience, their compassion, their resilience, their diligence, and their wisdom. Not to forget their immense capacity to love. All these traits converge in a woman who is aging so beautifully, knowing when and how to laugh at herself and let that which does not matter truly slide. Do all people feel their mom to be the most saintly woman they know?

Even though my mom constantly voices out her concern about my choices: ever-fearful I would get hurt or that I would regret them, I know, she knows, deep inside, that it’s her self-same idealism and generosity that drives me. And that is why I cannot help but live up to it and put in praxis. That is why I am fighting for the right to love, the only way she taught me how –freely, bravely and in full faith.

I wrote and gave this letter to my mom two years ago when I came out to her as a gay and lesbian rights advocate. As a matter of synchronicity, it happened during the eve of mother’s day. I guess it happened to remind me to never underestimate a mother’s capacity to love and accept her child, no matter how angry or confused they might be at first.
The week before the incident, I have been sneakily disguising the lesbian conference I’ve been attending as “some human rights conference.” With this information, my mom just gave a quizzical look. “What for?” she asked. “We’re giving you your rights, aren’t we? Charity begins at home you know.”

In my mind, telling them it was a “human rights” conference wasn’t really lying as it wasn’t really far from the truth. Gay and lesbians rights, after all, are human rights. And yet something in me wanted to be more self-revealing, and wondered what would happen if she found out that I was really going to an anti-discrimination conference for lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders. And sure enough—as sure as ideas travel and materialize faster than the speed of light—she snuffed out my “Lesbian Advocates Philippines” form among my stuff with her superhuman intuition. And unlike the time she first got a hint of it when I was twelve –unknowing and confused—I was prepared for confrontation this time. This time, I even longed for it, now ready to stand up for a love that dares to speak its name.

My mom showed me the form and asked me what it meant. "Sasali ka don?" My body grew cold as it does in preparation for conflict, like an anesthesia before an operation. My lips moved automatically as if it couldn't deny anything
"Mm." was all I could manage to mumble
"So parang proud ka pa don!" she said angrily, no, I think more despairingly. "Oo." I told her, growing bolder.
Then she started crying, "Pinaparusahan ata ako ng Diyos."
"Maaa, bakit naman po?" I hugged her for a long time as she sobbed some more. Afterwards, I gave her some space and didn't talk to her for the rest of the night. In the morning, I left her this letter.

May 12, 2003
Dear Ma,

Please trust me. I know what I am doing with my life. It may take me a long time to decide and I may do it in ways different from what others, but that is precisely what should make you believe that I am doing it right. Because I am doing it in my own honest to goodness way. No one else can do it for me and no one else can do it but me. Yes, you have raised me well enough to know that. And you have loved me so much that I cannot be anything but proud of myself. You raised me with so much dignity that I cannot ask for anything but respect from others for who I am –your child. Please do not say you are being punished. I know it is difficult, it was difficult for me to accept too, but now I am nothing but grateful and glad that this is what God made me. S/He made me uniquely who I am for a reason and I know that my only mission in life is to be that person—the person which S/he has both made me and that which S/he wants me to become . I do everything towards that end. I wish you hadn't felt all the hurt that you endured, if there was any other way. But know that half of that hurt was not because of me, it was because of a society that condemns and refuses to understand. It doesn't have to be like that. I still maintain that I am not doing anything wrong. Being who I am and loving who I choose isn’t wrong. And this is the basic freedom that I am fighting for. That people do not get kicked out of school or get fired from their jobs just because they are who they are. I am fighting for so many others to have choices—choices that will let them lead happier lives. There are so many injustices done against lesbians throughout history, only because they choose to live and love differently. Many were burned at the stake during witch hunts. In the Philippines, a lot of them are beaten up. Some fathers even have their tomboy daughters raped to "cure" them. This is what I am fighting against. This and the fact that you shouldn't have gone through all that you have gone through simply because of your fear of what society would do against me or because of the wrong idea that society gives that lesbianity is bad. True, Ma, charity begins at home. Trust me, I am your child. I am doing this with open eyes. This is who I am and the only choice I have is to choose it with dignity. Hindi lalakas and loob ko na gawin to laban sa mga kinalakihan kong paniniwala kung hindi talaga matatag ang paninindigan ko na sigurado ako sa ginagawa ko. Inisip ko sya ng matagal -buong buhay ko, in fact. [I wouldn’t be this brave to go against the belief system I grew up in if I didn’t have the resolve that I’m sure about what I’m doing. I thought about this for a long time. My whole life, in fact.]
And now that I see my choices very clearly, I am not about to throw my life away. I wouldn't defend this as strongly as I am defending it right now if I wasn't really serious. And, believe me, if I have to work twice as hard to prove to you that I am serious about this, I will. Even if you've raised us in comfort and luxury, I'm willing to go through hardship. I’m not afraid to suffer or encounter opposition. You see, I've inherited your bravery. I don't let anyone think or speak or live for me. The only way I see living is to live it proudly, despite all odds. I hope you, of all people, should understand because that, precisely, is your legacy to me. For that, Ma, I am nothing but grateful.
Happy Mother's Day.

The World in the Eyes of Bemz, A Transgendered Woman
Date Posted: Monday, June 16, 2008

Bemz Benedito’s story as told to Danicar Mariano

I always tell myself how grateful I am for my family. In gradeschool, my classmate, a close friend of mine, would come to me crying from the bruises he acquired the night before. It was because his father and brothers slapped and beat him so he could stop being gay. His father considered it an insult to his masculinity to have a gay son. He was told by his parents to turn away from his shameful lifestyle. Spending time with me and our gay clique in our town in Bangued, Abra was out of the question. His parents locked him up in their house so he couldn’t go to our parties. “Kasalanan ang maging bakla,” he was told. My classmate, in turn, painfully tried to resist and deny his gay identity.

Sympathizing greatly for his pain, I feel blessed in many folds that all of this didn’t happen to me. My mother, on the contrary, brought me bestidas, and dolled me up as early as I could remember. Being born to a family of 5 older brothers, my parents desperately longed to have a girl when they had me. I was the only one they sent to an exclusive boy school while all my brothers went to public schools because my folks had a sense that I was special and more fragile. They wanted to give me good education.

Growing Up Special

As early as 8 years old, I was already very soft. My mom would even see me wear her dress and put on her lipstick and eyeshadow. Whenever we went to manila, I always asked my mom to buy me Barbie dolls instead of G.I Joes. I just didn’t enjoy toys for men. Playing with dolls on the other hand supplied a different excitement.

Seeing me grow up like this, my parents did not have a problem with the fact that I am more feminine than other boys. My mother was a school teacher and my father was an engineer and both of them were very gentle and caring folk. They were very understanding. My mom also has a brother who is gay and I also have cousins on my father’s side who are gay.

My parents, in fact are even happy with how I turned out because unlike some of my troublesome older brothers, I didn’t give them any headaches. I could even say point blank that I am my dad’s favorite unica hija for the longest time since it was only seven years after me that my sister came. My five older brothers, who treated me like I was their younger sister and called me “sis” would even go into fights protecting me. My younger sister and I are also very close and she treats me like an ate.

In grade 6, when I would go to school with powder on my face, my parents gently set me aside to tell me how it’s okay for me gay “just don’t over do it.” I didn’t really know what they meant by not overdoing it, since if you look at me now, sporting long hair, earrings, make-up, and lipgloss, I don’t know what more could be overdone. I guess what they meant was that I shouldn’t reinforce the negative stereotypes of gays as useless palaboys, and that I should still maintain my decency and be of service to society. They also didn’t want to see me join gay pageants because they didn’t want other people ridiculing me, making me an object of their raucous laughter.

Nonetheless, I could attend parties wearing women’s clothes and it would be okay for them. My parents didn’t take it as their fault that I turned out this way, nor did they even think it was a fault. They looked at it as a blessing in fact, a gift from God that they couldn’t control. They, however issued a warning for me not to have a boyfriend, scared that a boyfriend would just hurt me or just use me for money. My brothers even beat up the first boyfriend that I had in college.

Trek to Transgenderism

It was in highschool that I figured that I wasn’t gay. I was a woman trapped in the wrong body. I am transgender. I would look in the mirror I would feel utter horror and despair at what I saw. I wanted to cry at the disparity of what I feel inside and my reflected image. I simply could not see myself in this hard masculine body. I felt alienated from this 3 by 5 crew cut we were required to have. I felt really disturbed and repressed, my self- expression, vastly inhibited.

It was during this time that I learned from other transgenders in our clique how to use hormonal pills, the kind that made your breasts swell and decreased your facial hair. I started growing my hair long. And thus began my transformation into becoming a woman. Since then, I no longer felt like crying when I looked at the mirror. I now like what I see. But the journey towards self-discovery and self-creation is a tedious and hard won battle, a dignity no one can easily take away from me.

Struggle Against Discrimination

Growing up, I got bullied everyday for my effeminate nature. Boys would taunt me and call me disparaging names. They referred to me as “salot” and shouted after me, “mangaagaw ng lakas.” They thought that just because I was like this, I was nothing but a lust machine and all I could think of was sex. Demeaning jokes would be cracked at my expense. In ROTC, they would make us run around the grounds and give us harder punishment in an effort to harden and correct us.

Aside from that, there is this deep prejudice that you couldn’t excel because you’re gay. I really strived to prove this wrong. Pinakita ko sa kanila what a person like me could accomplish. (I really showed them what a person like me could accomplish.) I became college editor of MassCom Gazette and the Trinity Observer. I excelled in extracurricular activities.
To understand why society is so cruel to people like me, I also took up my Masters in Sociology in Ateneo de Manila to the pride and delight of my parents who would brag about me back home in our province. I never gave my parents heartache like some of my brothers who got married right out of college, or got girls pregnant out of wedlock. My family has always been proud of me and I, in turn, have given them back their pride.

Harassment

I recall a very painful incident that happened to me when I worked as a researcher in a top university’s academic research institution. We gave our Indian evaluators a tour in Tagaytay. Thinking that I was a woman, they made unwelcome and intrusive advances on us, me, together with my other female companion. One of them groped my leg and forced himself to kissing me. I could not believe what was happening. I was gracious enough to work on a Saturday, sacrificing my time for them, and they repay our hospitality by harassing us. I felt dirty, like no amount of showers would make me clean again. I was so disturbed for 2 to 3 weeks that I even had to seek professional help. When I reported the incident to my employers, they thought nothing of it, and tried to sweep it under the rug.

A co-worker even said “hindi ba dapat matuwa si Bemz don kasi na-assert yung pagkababae niya?” “(Shouldn’t Bemz be happy that his womanhood was asserted?”) as if I had no claim to common decency just because I am transgender. My parents raised me with so much love and respect to ever tolerate such an abuse sitting down.
I sought the help of renowned gay activist and Ang Ladlad chair, Danton Remoto. When he found out what happened, he immediately pushed for the filing of the case and supported me in my quest for justice.

The damage had already been done, however. I left the job because of their bias against my case. But when I was looking for another job, however, I again experienced discrimination while applying for a Call Center
Everything was going well. Initial interview garnered me praise from the HR personnel and I had already passed the written exams. The moment the HR manager entered the room, however, the dagger look he threw at me made me feel like running away. He asked me what I was doing there when it seems I was overqualified for the job.
“Are you gay?” he glared.
“No sir, I am transgender. I identify as a woman and actually sir, you should be referring to me as a she.”
“Oh really?” he said, raising his voice and eyebrows. “We have gay employees here but not like you,” he added.
He admitted that my credentials were really very good but that I could not wear earrings or women’s clothes since it does not agree with their religious principles. Aside from the lecture, sinigaw-sigawan niya ako (he kept shouting at me). “Bakit ka kasi ganyan ka?” (“Why are you like that?”) he scolded. It was really the most humiliating experience of my entire life.

“Thank you for wasting my time,” I told him as I closed the door behind him. By this time I was shaking and crying in anger and frustration. I was so distressed I called up sir Danton about it. He calmed me down and since then, together with Ang Ladlad, he I have been going around trying to raise awareness about these cases of discrimination, in the hope of their prevention and elimination.

Since that incident, I have found new job as a Program Manager for Advocacy in an NGO, Philippine Resources for Sustainable Development (PRSD) inc. while also teaching English to Koreans.

I still count my manifold blessing, and I am ever grateful for the solace and support that my family provides me. Outside, however, the sharp fangs of discrimination grip me. Ridicule, loneliness and frustrations haunt me.

I want to laugh and rejoice but not to have the joke on me. I want to be loved, not harassed. I want to be at peace, to stop being angry. I simply want to make my parents and family proud. I simply want to be me. Do I turn back? Do I apologize? For what? I have harmed no one. Despite all the struggles that I needed to undergo in my life, I regret nothing. I couldn’t imagine a life where I am not who I am, a transgendered woman. This choice delivers me happiness, a happiness that I am blessed with and that I choose, just like my identity. I continue to hope and fight for a truly free society where I can be just that.

Bemz Benedito part of Angladlad, a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender political party.

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